'I was a broken man': Conor Benn's long, unlikely walk back from the brink
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NEW YORK, NY — Conor Benn woke up at 3 a.m. one morning, late-2023, sobbing uncontrollably next to his wife. He told her he wanted to take a walk. She urged him not to. She knew the fragile state he was in, with the English sports world descending on him. In March 2023, the UK Anti-Doping Agency (UKAD) provisionally suspended Benn for the alleged use of a prohibited substance. Benn maintained his innocence. No one was willing to listen.
That night, Benn trudged up the stairs of a nearby bridge, looking over the railing at the swirling, cold brown water below, staring into his own abyss. He was so numb he could not feel the rusted spiked texture of the railing. Though he was aware enough to make what would have been one last call to his mother, Caroline. While talking to her, he caught something out of the corner of his eyes — deer eating on either side of the motorway.
That was the closest Benn came to doing the unthinkable and taking his own life. Months before, Caroline told him God would show him a sign in the form of a deer that he would be OK. This came to mind. He slowly backed away from the cracked concrete ledge, gathered himself mentally, and walked home, cursing himself for even considering what he almost did.
That was his nadir. He had to feel the dark before walking into the light, in stark contrast to Nov. 26 of last year, when Benn stood victorious in the ring at Tottenham Stadium, London, having convincingly defeated elite middleweight Chris Eubank Jr. in front of 60,000 screaming fans. He was on top of the world, having just vanquished his foe in style despite moving up two weight classes to do so, earning a sizable purse in the process, and immediately became tipped for global stardom.
On Friday night, Jan. 30, in New York City, Benn, along with his archenemy Eubank Jr., were honored by a room full of boxing’s cognoscenti and luminaries for one of 2025's Fights of the Year. Benn could not walk two inches without being stopped. He could not talk without a gaggle of mics and cameras descending to hear every word.
He currently finds himself, at age 29, the toast of England.
He has gone literally from the brink of giving up on it all to unimagined stardom.
It has been a strange, turning, life-altering odyssey that brought Benn (24-1, 14 KOs) here, spiked by a courageous 12-round middleweight loss to Eubank Jr. in April 2025 before 67,484 at London’s Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, which stirred unbridled admiration for Benn from the English fans and media alike, followed by his decisive victory in their rematch back at Tottenham in November.
“The Eubank loss changed my life, because it showed I had heart and showed who I am,” Benn tells Uncrowned. “I was back on the treadmill the next morning after that fight. But I achieved more after that loss than in any fight I won. The public support was incredible. I gained more in that fight as a man, because I faced the obstacle of losing and had to deal with it. I looked at it in the eyes. I was on that edge again and I won.”
Adamant he wouldn’t simply accept suspension, Benn vowed to clear his family name. He underwent countless court appearances, myriad appeals, alcohol abuse and lots of self-discoveries.
Conor Benn, on the shoulders of his father Nigel, celebrates victory over Chris Eubank Jr. in London. The Benns had been winless against the Eubanks over a 35-year boxing rivalry.Nick Potts - PA Images via Getty ImagesToday, having not touched alcohol for 16 months, the father of two wears a glow, and it is not from his fluorescent yellow hair.
“I needed to go through my own personal hell,” Benn says. “I think it all starts from that night I thought about killing myself. It was that gone.
“My mum told me months prior, God will give me a sign that I was going to be OK. That there will be a sign of deer — and mind you, there are no deer in Australia where she lives. Just kangaroos, they don’t have deer. I saw that, and I went home. That was not the first time I thought about killing myself, but it was the closest I came to killing myself. I gave up on myself, and I remember being really, really angry at myself. I was in a really bad way. I was a broken man, and what cut me the most was letting down my son, bailing out on him — and [I] almost killed two people that night, me and my daughter, Idony, who wasn’t born yet. My hands were on that railing, when I saw deer on either side. I had to stop beating myself up.”
Benn, “The Destroyer,” walked home that night shaking. He could not look at himself in the mirror when he walked into his house. In 2023, he had no idea when he would fight again. He lost almost everything he made, spending huge sums on legal costs to prove the innocence he has always maintained.
Finally, on Nov. 6, 2024, an independent NADP panel lifted the provisional suspension again, dismissing the case and ruling it was "not comfortably satisfied" that Benn committed an anti-doping rule violation.
To this day, Benn maintains his innocence.
“That’s the belief that I always carried with me — the truth, which is a pretty powerful thing,” he says. “It just took what seemed to be forever to get there. There were a lot of dark times. The day Idony was born I found out I lost one of the appeals, and I was back in court. I could not cope. I would go out and party and completely lose my identity. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, I was that distorted. The court hearings, the appeals crucified me. It wiped me out.”
Away from the lights, away from the fanfare, away the hype machine and the glitz, Benn, you find deep down, is a good, strong man, willing to confront his demons and defeat them. You find why he has such fan appeal, why his magnetic personality brightens every room he enters. He realizes the many hells he had to traverse has made him a better man.
I gave up on myself, and I remember being really, really angry at myself. I was in a really bad way. I was a broken man, and what cut me the most was letting down my son, bailing out on him.Conor Benn
Benn has a small, vigilant, loyal team that has stood by him — which says something about him.
Lee Emptage, one of his lawyers, has represented Benn since he turned professional at 19. The two have grown beyond attorney-client to more like big brother-little brother. Emptage has seen Benn’s personal growth. He cannot go too much into details about the drug-testing situation, but scientists and experts were involved, and Benn’s belief in his innocence was very real.
“Conor is so much more mature today, and he is a star who does not act like a star, never refusing a photo with a fan,” Emptage says. “Conor is intelligent, and incredibly transparent. What makes him special is his authenticity.
“I’m confident that in a year’s time, Conor will be a world champion. He now knows how good he can be.”
Benn had to go through what he did.
“I wouldn’t be where I am today if I did not go through that mess,” Benn says. “It is like Conor and the ‘Destroyer’ are alter egos. ‘The Destroyer’ is a very different man. He is a different man from Conor. For a time, I didn’t even recognize who Conor Benn was. I would look at my son sleeping, telling him, ‘I did not bring you into this world to fail you.’
“I think that’s my biggest message in everything I put myself through, is never run away from your problems. You have to face them. When times got bad, they got really bad. I was in 'Conor the self-destroyer' mode. I’m an emotional guy. I see where I was and I see where I am. I still don’t think of myself as a strong person. I had never been through adversity in my career, or in my life. My father provided with me everything. I had a privileged upbringing, I went to private schools, I had the best of the best. What turned my life around is doing for my children what my father did for me.
Conor Benn embraces his mother, Caroline, alongside his father, Nigel Benn, after his win over Chris Eubank Jr.Mark Robinson via Getty Images“If I could go back through time, I would tell myself to be strong, just be strong. I haven’t really changed. I am happy entertaining the public. I’m happy to be a servant to the public. Some journalists have come up to me and apologized, and I feel the love. But I want to be true to who I am. I still say what I want to say.”
In New York over the Jan. 30 weekend, Benn was incredibly accommodating to everyone who approached him for an autograph and a picture. He was easily one of the most popular fighters throughout the Shakur Stevenson vs. Teofimo Lopez weekend, holding court everywhere he went. This year presents more challenges for him, and he says he is ready.
With everything he has gone through, with everything he has survived, you tend to believe him.
What’s ahead
Benn wants a world championship in 2026. He lists Rolly Romero, Ryan Garcia, Marion Barrios and Stevenson, all possibly in England, as future opponents. Anyone Benn faces, it will be a primetime affair. Keith Connolly, the Boxing Writers Association of America 2025 Manager of the Year, just joined Benn’s team. Benn rules out a third fight with Eubank Jr., who he says he genuinely dislikes, though also stresses he respects, and the feeling is mutual.
The two were in general proximity to one another in New York and were cordial to each other, though cold.
With his brand rising, Benn, who is ranked No. 1 at middleweight by the WBC, is an attractive opponent from anyone from 147 to 160 pounds.
During a photo shoot during Stevenson-Lopez weekend, Terence Crawford was there watching Benn hit a speedbag and playfully teased him to ease up. Benn has no “ease-up” gear. It’s full throttle, full-time.
Benn sees himself appearing in the ring twice this year. He still wakes up at 3 a.m. in the morning — to run an hour. He remains in amazing shape between fights.
“I still haven’t watched the November Eubank fight again. I had a tough time rewatching the first fight with him," Benn says. "The cars and houses mean nothing to me. I want to leave a legacy. I do an hour run first thing every morning, just to prove to myself that I am not complacent.”
It looks like Benn is making up for lost time.